Best Picture
The Artist
War Horse
Moneyball
The Descendants
Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Best Actress
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Viola Davis, The Help
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Best Actor
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy
George Clooney, The Descendants
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Demian Bichir, A Better Life

Best Supporting Actress:
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Bérénice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

Best Supporting Actor:
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Nick Nolte, Warrior
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Best Director
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick, Tree of Life

Best Original Screenplay:
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, Bridesmaids
J.C. Chandor, Margin Call
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Asgar Farhadi, A Separation

Best Adapted Screenplay
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, The Descendants
John Logan, Hugo
Aaron Sorkin and Steven Zaillian, Moneyball
George Clooney, Ides of March
Peter Straughan and Bridget O’Connor, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Best Foreign Language Film
Bullhead
Footnote
Monsieur Lazhar
A Separation
In Darkness

Best Animated Feature
Rango
A Cat in Paris
Puss in Boots
Kung Fu Panda 2
Chico and Rita

There’s a lot to roll your eyes at here, so I’ll only focus on one title. I don’t think anyone expected that Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the well-intentioned yet generally reviled post-9/11 drama would weasel its way into a Best Picture nomination. Its spot seems to have been reserved for anything from The Ides of March to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Yet Extremely Loud an Incredibly Close is a helpful reminder of what’s so boring about all the Best Picture nominees: the list is always padded with undeserving titles that get a meager box office boost from the “Nominated for Best Picture” that will get announced on TV and pasted on their posters. Extremely Loud an Incredibly Close probably isn’t going to take home the award–neither will War Horse or Hugo–but both films get to say they tried. (I mean, you never know though.) Much the same is true for The Tree of Life or Midnight in Paris, which, instead of being treated as highfalutin deserving entries, are the underdogs that satisfy the Academy’s desperation for any form of artistic legitimacy.

I do, however, really like the idea of Kristin Wiig winning an Oscar. The only idea I like more than that? The idea of Melissa McCarthy winning an Oscar for a role where she has diarrhea in a sink and screams, “Don’t look at me!” I can’t think of a more apt summation of the entire Oscar process.